Today I am very much overwhelmed. I feel like I am being swept along in the current of life and we have hit the rapids.
School ended yesterday. The boys are camping with my parents. You would think that would mean peace and rest. But we still have little league Saturday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and next Saturday. And a birthday party Saturday for our oldest to plan, shop for and to host. And a end of the year school picnic tonight. My brain is foggy and I am feeling so overwhelmed. Life just keeps rushing forward and I keep thinking wait, WAIT! I can’t keep up.
Each day I wake up hopeful that today I will feel ok and be able to be productive. Days like today though, when I get to 1/1:30pm and haven’t been able to muster up the strength and energy to do anything, I know it is time to give up the day. Give it up to not being able to get anything done and just let go. Because otherwise I sit and stew and frustrate myself by thinking of all I wish I was doing. And that is just energy wasted. I have to let go and remind myself that the mess will wait. The dishes in the sink can stay there. The laundry will just have to go undone. And no one will die if we have leftovers or sandwiches or cereal for dinner, again. Not ideal. Not great. Probably not even good. But survival mode is what it is. And I will wake up tomorrow hopeful again.
And it doesn’t hurt to remind myself that we cleaned the entire garage this weekend, I gave the boys hair cuts and we were super busy to boot.
I made it through our insane weekend. It was a lovely weekend to boot. I went on a women’s getaway, to a family wedding, church work day and Ray LaMontagne show. I also built a trellis in the garden and mowed the lawn! And I am surprisingly not as dead as I was expecting. However I am still wiped out and just like anyone with that kind of schedule, have a ton of things to do to catch up.
Our crazy schedule has not stopped either, nor will it any time soon. Little League keeps going and my hubby and oldest son are taking a trip to a Yankee’s game. So I am home with our youngest and a pile of dishes, dirty house, laundry, etc. Normally I think “I will wait and they will help with things.” Being so busy things just aren’t getting done. And now, knowing they are not here for a few days I suppose I need to tackle something. But I am also needing to rest. And my brain is not functioning. So I sit here thinking I really should do something but my body is refusing to let me.
There is always tomorrow right? The messy house will wait until then (or longer). For now I will have another cup of coffee and relax because I need to. Letting go of my ideal and my productivity driven self and reminding myself again that we will all live if things don’t get done.