Whenever I have a few horrible days/weeks/months, I get behind on all of the things I need to be doing. Now those things have been pared down to a minimum thanks to my awesome family who takes up my slack every day. But inevitably what happens when I am super sick is the little I need to do piles up. And when I finally start feeling a little better I want to rush and tackle it all at once to try to catch up. I’m sure you can see where this is going.
So I have to force myself to ease back info life. If I don’t, I end up pushing too hard and end up back at feeling super horrible. Figuring out what “too much” is though is incredibly hard. I try to listen to my body’s cues and stop the moment before I feel my body is going to say “I am going to pay for this later.” But this illness is unpredictable and what I can handle one day I can not another. That and if I am in the middle of somethign, it is very hard to stop and not just push through even though I know I will pay for it big time later.
Another thing I really struggle with is doing something I want to do versus doing something I feel I should be doing or needs to be done. I feel like I have so little energy to use/give that doing something I would enjoy or prefer to do is a selfish use of that energy. For example I would much prefer to do a sewing project over the laundry or balancing the checkbook. But those need to be done. If I use up the little energy I have doing a project I want to do and I don’t get the other stuff done I feel like I am failing my family even more than when I can’t accomplish anything at all.
So today I am trying to pace myself and stop when I need to. Hopefully I don’t fail as miserably as I usually do.